After our third week on the Gold Coast, the health and maintenance chores are completed. It has been a big week for the Anui crew, Bengie included!
We have stayed around Paradise Point, spending our third and last week here before heading off.
Our blog posts are generally not written in the first person, mainly because they are about what Team Anui gets up to. But this time, we will make an exception, and it is me, Chris, talking. Why? Because I need to release some of the tension I have been bottling up! So if you don’t want to hear me complaining, close this post right now!
This last week, we have completed all our medical follow ups, and had the results of scans for my arthritic back and breast cancer one year review. Overall, it’s good, and we don’t need to stay on for anything untoward. I should be jumping up and down with joy, however I won’t! Here is why.
Arthritic Back
So let’s start with the first thing – the back. There is no magic bullet with arthritic pain, and when a specialist says to you: “Spurs are forming all along your vertebrae, looking like horns, your bones are starting to fuse in places and there is nothing we can do about it”, it hits you hard. He then added: “You have to keep moving, keep active, take strong analgesics when it’s too bad, and accept that it won’t get better with time. We can’t really do cortisone injections because the damage is too widespread.” The good thing: no significant nerve impingement, so no shooting pain down the legs or the arms… yet!
I am not big on ‘acceptance’, aging or pain! The physical side is one thing, the mental challenge is another. My mum used to say “my world is shrinking” in response to her own health issues … I did not get it at the time, enjoying a no limit life, but now I do. In my mind I still want to climb mountains, ride my bike, sail, paraglide, dive, walk for miles, but my body badly hurts when I do and I am less and less able to do what I once could. I ache if I don’t move enough, I ache if I move too much. I ache all the time. My world feels like it is shrinking too, and I am not sure how to manage this, enjoy life and not fixate on the loss and the pain.
Mum used to also say she was losing motivation to push herself. I did not get that either then with my ‘just do it’ attitude, but now I understand. You compare yourself with your younger being and it is scary to notice the changes. And these changes seem to be accelerating. It is hard to get motivated to exert yourself when it exacerbates discomfort. I feel trapped.
Bottom line: how do I live with chronic pain and the prospect of it getting worse? If you have some thoughts, I would love to hear them!
Cancer Remission
Now onto the first breast cancer follow up. No cancer can be detected in either breast one year down the track. I did not expect anything different at this early stage of remission, but it is definitely a relief to get these results.
However, there is one thing the medicos don’t tell you about cancer: the long term effects of chemo or in my case radio therapy. Cancer treatment accelerates the process of aging. They don’t tell you this before their interventions, but acknowledge this when you raise it with them afterwards. Would it have altered my treatment decisions? No, but I find I deal with challenges better when I know in advance they are coming!
Once you recover from the immediate effects of radiation, you realise that your skin and the tissues that have been burnt to a crisp don’t return to ‘normal’. As I hinted in the last post, nothing is the same in appearance or feel. And the changes are not limited to just the area that was irradiated. The skin all over my body seems to have taken a sudden turn for the worst. Yes, it’s part of aging, but that sudden? I hate it. It’s like the treatment flicked a switch.
Cognitively it is not good news either. You may have heard of chemo or radio brain: this kind of fog that settles during and after cancer treatment, slows your thinking down, affects your memory and reduces your ability to concentrate. Well that does not seem to improve with time. A year later, it is still affecting me and I feel… ‘diminished’ – the only word I can find to describe the changes.
What do you do when you notice these shifts and realise there is not much you can do about them? Accept, ignore, do what you can and be happy you are on the right side of the ground? How do you deal with this? Again, any suggestions would be gratefully accepted!
Bengie is getting on too!
Talking about accelerated aging, Bengie is not immune to it either. At 18.5 years old (over 90 in human years) she has her own aches and ailments: renal disease, arthritis in her legs… these days she does more sleeping and cuddling on our lap than going for dinghy rides and walks on the beach.
She had a traumatic visit to the vet for her annual check up. It was found she had lost a bit of weight despite eating like a labrador, her teeth needed a good clean, she had a heart murmur and a lower temperature than normal. So the vet was keen to do some blood work before deciding whether to book her in for dental treatment. And while we were there, Bengie also needed her claws clipped – she really does not like her feet handled and we have failed to be sneaky and clip those long nails in her sleep! She somehow knows what we are trying to do, wakes up as soon as we get within millimeters of her paws and the sleeping beauty turns into a grizzly bear!
Most animals dislike vet visits; they easily get freaked out by procedures like blood tests, needles, temperature taking or claw clipping. Bengie does not like ANY of that and puts up a mighty fight: all claws and teeth and the loudest of growls. So the vet had to put a muzzle on her and swaddle her in a towel to avoid our ship cat lashing out at anyone who touched her. The blood test was relatively straight forward but the manicure… oh boy! Not a good day for poor old Bengie! She was glad to get back into her cat carrier once the vet was done with her and the ordeal was over. “Take me out of here, I’ll be quiet, promise!”
We heard back from the vet a few days later and Bengie is a bit too far advanced with the kidney disease to risk anesthesia. So we have decided to let her be. For her too age is marching on. But while she is still happy and comfortable, we will keep pampering her and she will continue to boss us around!
So basically aging sucks… thank god for good supportive friends.
Sv-Anui 
Yup. Agree that ageing sucks. Love and hugs to you all, always. xxx
Growing old… what’s not to like hey! Good to have caught up and have had a few laughs.
You bet! Always great to see you… pity that this lifestyle doesn’t let us do it more often!
Hi Bengie! Chris, I do understand your situation. I am 64 and found out recently that I too have those little horns growing on my damaged spine, it’s not easy to swallow. I have three herniated lumbar down there and have had those injections long ago.
I have to be very careful with what I do and how I move, it’s difficult to stand up straight some days. I have lots of achy joints that hurt daily, living with daily pain to some degree. You are not alone on this journey my distant friend. Virtual hugs! ❤️🙏🏻
Sorry to hear this, John. Sometimes it helps to blurt things out instead of just doing the ‘grin and bear it’! Stay as physically active as possible. Hugs to you too.
The most exercise I get is riding my electric bike, need a small treadmill in the house!
Or join a gym – group sessions are more motivating than exercising on your own.
That’s a great point, Chris!!!
It doesn’t feel right to ‘like’ this post when there’s so much you’re having to deal with.
Good to hear your breast screen tests were clear, but it must have been tough to find out the treatment had brought consequences you weren’t expecting.
And even tougher to be told there’s nothing they can do for your spine… I know you will keep pressing on with the ‘use it or lose it’ approach and there’s still many more adventures ahead for you. You’re definitely allowed to rant at the unfairness of the restrictions and I’m sure you’ll find ways to manage it as best you can.
Extra hugs to Bengie. I can just see her indignation at being manhandled at the vets!
Hoping to give you hugs in person soonish!
Hi Helene, it would be so good to spend some time with you and Graham having fun! Fingers crossed we meet up.
Sorry about the rant but my cup was and still is brimming and it somehow helps to talk/write about it!
Looking forward to more adventures with you too!
Hello Chris – am late. Now I really know one of the initial reasons why I was so taken up with you and Bengie and . . . I am Bengie’s age as you would have gathered – old? What is that? But – aches and pains and breast cancer and now roto cuff and, shall I go on 🙂 ! At this stage I do not have one hour free of pain but am trying to live with it and lower my painkiller needs, as I love my wine and medications don’t like seeing a glass! We’ll see!!! I refused chemo for the reasons you state here – could not tell you at the time. Chose Chinese medicine – my doctor said for legal reasons he could not agree and winked, but his mother, a few years later followed me when she developed breast cancer- he phoned to tell ! OK – as far as I am concerned – you accept the changes with grace and just change your lifestyle to suit. Facts are facts but you don’t lie down and cry – bit by bit by bit you learn what you can do in what way – it is amazing how you can vary your lifestyle! Sorry for Bengie who cannot understand – I also have big dental problems which cannot be attended to in the normal manner for the same reasons. Big virtual tummy-rubs coming via my also recalcitrant genie . . . love’ya . . . sorry for the length and methinks I shall repost . . . oh, how glad I am the breast results came back negative . . .
Ah dearest Eha, you are my weekly dose of kindly and realistic words of encouragement. It helps to vent… sometimes we need to scream out loud then press the reset button!
Warm hugs 🥰 from all three of us.
I have just reposted this to a few groups – there ARE others feeling just the same whom your words may have helped. Oh – forgot to say – just LOVE and so understand those two cartoons! . . . love . . .
Thanks Eha 😊
Hey Chris I love how you articulate what we are all going through as we age, different rates and levels though. Thanks for all your insights and keep doing what you do and enjoy as long as you can!
cheers
Kerry (Nautilus)
Hi Kerry, thanks for the feedback.
Chris, I commend you for sharing your medical and ageing issues. We (your many friendly followers) want to encourage you to keep doing the things you enjoy but with an awareness of the body’s changed limits. Maybe your future plans need a review, time-wise.
I’m a decade or more down the track from yourself, and recently retired from yacht deliveries and local sail-training because I lack the energy that I used to have ! It’s hard, but reality. My thoughts are frequently with you both, and wish you the very best; keep smiling!
Regards, Doug.
Thanks for your thoughts, Doug. Yes our future plans are changing. We will keep sailing, but likely not full time. As you say, it’s about doing what we love but differently. Be well.
Oh Chris. Aging is not fun but you seemed to have been dealt a few too many blows. Your honesty, warts and all (as you’ve often said), is a credit to you so I do hope your writing gives you some comfort. I hope you can enjoy your northern adventures as much as you can this season and I’ve said it many times, but I do hope we can catch up on the water soon.
Hiya Amanda, always nice to get your comments. Yes writing about stuff helps ‘share’ the load.
We are both hoping we can spend time with you and Neville somewhere along the reef. Not planning on going very far north but wanting to make it count: Bundy, Lady Elliott, Musgrave, Swains and doing that circuit a couple of times if the weather allows rather than shooting up a long way north. A year and a half since we have had the wrap… and seen you… that’s crazy! Must remedy that!
Aw Chris …. I feel your pain and in some way share some of your experiences. No words of wisdom from me, but I hate to say it, decrepitude and death awaits us all. Still I know what a tough nutted, determined trooper you are, so the mountains may be smaller, the journeys briefer, but your spirit, along with Capt Wade’s, will keep lighting up those distant shores for years to come!
Now I’m not one to complain, but two+ years of long covid, various arthritic joints are limiting my activities also. So I’m renovating this current house at half pace, not able to walk real distances without the fatigue kicking in, but I have hope in the sunny days to come!
And ….. there’s a lot more poetic imagery where this came from 😉
Bon voyage cobbers!
Hello Elgar. Yes we are all keeping on at half pace!
Good to hear you are continuing with the reno. Having a project helps. Take care you two!
Oh, my dear Chris,You poor thing. I have a friend who had back pain that disabled him, his company sent him down to Melbourne to a ‘pain’ clinic. He lived there while they taught him how to live with it. I saw an example on TV of a bleeding young bloke in ER refusing pain killers because they wouldn’t help him and he was coping ok.
My world is pulling in on me too. Sjany wants to sell Skellum, and she needs some painting. Skellum that is. I’ve made the decision to not make a decision until 6 months after we get settled into the unit at Cleveland.
It makes it easier for me to accept, because my get up and go, is getting up and going. I’m not as capable of doing what l did confidently before.
I’m only doing this Europe trip because Sjany wants it, organising all this is stretching me a bit. Mind you a 14 hr and an 8 hr night flights on top of possible covid didn’t help.
We had finished the reno on a Traralgon rental and sold off things and shoved things back in the container just in time to leave.
Today is a rest day. The guided tour starts tomorrow.
Not that any of this helps you.
But you’re not on your Pat Malone.
Paul Dow
Skellum
Hi Paul, thanks for saying hello. Your comment did not all come through fully the first time, but it has now. The pain clinic suggestion is a good one and on the to do list for when we have our land break.
I realise it is not fun for you either and made harder when Sjany and you want different things. Wade and I are in sync: we both need a break, neither of us want to sell Anui or stop cruising, but we want to do it differently and not full time. So we are planning to make some changes next year. A new phase, a new start, still allowing the pull of the ocean but greater ease of living and variety.
Try to allow yourself to enjoy your overseas trip. Hugs and thoughts to you both.